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[Feb. 15th, 2006|11:16 am] |
writings go here.
poop. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2005|02:47 pm] |
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16 oz. (1/2 of 32-oz. pkg.) frozen french fried potatoes
8 slices OSCAR MAYER Ready to Serve Bacon, cut into small pieces
1 cup KRAFT Shredded Cheddar Cheese
1/4 cup green onion slices
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COOK french fries as directed on package; place on ovenproof dish or platter.
PREHEAT broiler. Sprinkle fries with bacon, cheese and onions.
BROIL, 4 to 6 inches from heat, 1 to 2 minutes or until cheese is melted.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|02:25 pm] |
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The Hitler Youth was a logical extension of Hitler's belief that the future of Nazi Germany was its children. The Hitler Youth was seen as being as important to a child as school was. In the early years of the Nazi government, Hitler had made it clear as to what he expected German children to be like:
| "The weak must be chiselled away. I want young men and women who can suffer pain. A young German must be as swift as a greyhound, as tough as leather, and as hard as Krupp's steel." |
Nazi education schemes part fitted in with this but Hitler wanted to occupy the minds of the young in Nazi Germany even more.
Movements for youngsters were part of German culture and the Hitler Youth had been created in the 1920's. By 1933 its membership stood at 100,000. After Hitler came to power, all other youth movements were abolished and as a result the Hitler Youth grew quickly. In 1936, the figure stood at 4 million members. In 1936, it became all but compulsory to join the Hitler Youth. Youths could avoid doing any active service if they paid their subscription but this became all but impossible after 1939.
The Hitler Youth catered for 10 to 18 year olds. There were separate organisations for boys and girls. The task of the boys section was to prepare the boys for military service. For girls, the organisation prepared them for motherhood.
Boys at 10, joined the Deutsches Jungvolk (German Young People) until the age of 13 when they transferred to the Hitler Jugend (Hitler Youth) until the age of 18. In 1936, the writer J R Tunus wrote about the activities of the Hitler Jugend. He stated that part of their "military athletics" (Wehrsport) included marching, bayonet drill, grenade throwing, trench digging, map reading, gas defence, use of dugouts, how to get under barbed wire and pistol shooting.
Girls, at the age of 10, joined the Jungmadelbund (League of Young Girls) and at the age of 14 transferred to the Bund Deutscher Madel (League of German Girls). Girls had to be able to run 60 metres in 14 seconds, throw a ball 12 metres, complete a 2 hour march, swim 100 metres and know how to make a bed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|09:18 am] |
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Playing With Dead Things: The Mummification of Beavis I, Part Two: The Disemboweling.
After struggling through the skin, the muscle was much less of a challenge. That went pretty quickly, and we started scooping Beavis' guts out.
That is sort of ew.
The stomach was the first to go.
Beavis' stomach was inflated to the point of transparency. It didn't deflate when we cut it loose. It could have been swollen from decomposition, but I doubt that, since Beav wasn't that ripe. Near the end, though, he spent a lot of time gulping air. Most of it probably went into his stomach instead of his lungs. A stomach like this terror would explain why he wasn't eating. Not even chocolate.
YANK YANK YANK
Next: Intestines. These were swollen, too. We removed these using our fingertips with absurd, terrified care, snipping away the adhering fascia like we were circumcising dust mites. If these were to burst, the stench would be like a punch in the face.
Ta-da.
Fortunately, that didn't happen.
Which is great. Because I see lots of runny poop.
They look better this way.
Ritual, custom, and superstition in ancient Egypt demanded that specific organs of the deceased be embalmed seperately, for use in the afterlife. This inluded the stomach, intestines, liver, and lungs. Here's the stomach and intestines in their natron bath. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|03:25 pm] |
Crazy Horse Malt Liquor Protestby Jim Postema
April 14, 1995
John Ferolito Dominic Vultaggio Ferolito, Vultaggio & Sons 5 Dakota Drive Suite #205 Lake Success, NY 11042
Dear Messrs. Ferolito and Vultaggio:
We are writing to you, the owners of Hornell Brewing Company, to appeal to your sense of justice and rightness as fellow human beings. As you can see from the names and information included about people who have signed this letter, we come from all walks of life, from a wide variety of experiences and backgrounds. But despite our many differences, we share a common belief: that all of us, including you, are part of the vast interconnected web of life on this earth. With our actions we can, as can you, influence the lives and happiness of other human beings. On this basis, then, we ask you to change the name of your company's product, "Crazy Horse Malt Liquor," to a name that does not use Native American images or persons to sell the product.
We believe that by using Crazy Horse's name to sell alcohol your company is perpetuating the widespread ignorance about Crazy Horse and all Native Americans in two ways. First, in attempting to create a romantic image for your brand of alcohol, you have used stereotypes about "savage" Indian fighters, demonstrating and spreading a lack of understanding of who Crazy Horse was and what he was fighting for. Secondly, by using his name to sell alcohol you are further contributing to one of the worst stereotypes of Native Americans, that of the "drunk Indian."
You may be unaware of the sad history of the use of alcohol by Europeans as a tool to exploit Natives. Throughout the last four centuries, whites have distributed alcohol as a way of getting better terms from Indians in land deals, to lower prices in the old fur trade, and still today, to reap huge profits from liquor sales near reservations while contributing nothing to the Indian community. Not surprisingly, whites have twisted the history of this exploitation, by creating and perpetuating the stereotype that Indians are somehow natural alcoholics--when in fact there is abuse of alcohol in both white and Native communities. Naming an alcoholic product after an Indian only adds to this already widespread stereotype.
We also believe that your choice of brand name, even if inadvertently, degrades the man whose name you have used, Tashunke Witko. The man whose name is translated into English as "Crazy Horse" was renowned for his bravery and for his refusal to submit to white oppression. He was a visionary man, a spiritual leader for his people and, above all, a reverential man, with a profound awareness of the spiritual world. But because he has been both romanticized and vilified by an ignorant white world, most Americans do not know of these aspects of his nature.
Furthermore, Crazy Horse himself outspokenly denounced the use of alcohol by his people. So by putting his name on an alcoholic product, your company not only adds to the stereotype of the "drunk Indian," it also degrades the memory of a man who fought exactly the kind of exploitation that alcohol represents. We are confident that--of all people--Crazy Horse himself would never have allowed his name to be associated with your product, because it is something that has been used at times to subdue his people and to contribute to their occasional turning away from spiritual wellbeing. Your use of his name to sell alcohol goes against everything that he himself stood for, and everything for which he is remembered and honored.
Can you understand, Mr. Ferolito, how a devout Catholic might feel if someone were to open up an abortion clinic and name it the "Pope John Paul Abortion Center"? No matter what one feels personally about the issue of abortion, it would be clear that such a name for a clinic would be not only inappropriate but offensive. This example may help explain how Native people react to "Crazy Horse Malt Liquor," and may help you understand just how deeply offensive that product name is to Native Americans and others concerned with justice.
We want to offer a clear image of Crazy Horse to society and we would like to work with you to correct misconceptions. We ask you, then, Mr. Vultaggio, to reconsider your use of Crazy Horse's name. If our concerns are not clear to you, or if you would like to discuss this issue further, there are members of our group who would be very happy to do so. We would be available to help you educate your employees or stockholders, too, if you felt this to be necessary, and we can suggest resources or contact people in your area who could help you work towards positive change.
Mr. Vultaggio, Mr. Ferolito, you have an opportunity here to become true leaders in your industry: by moving beyond sales which benefit only your stockholders' pocketbooks, you could help create a spirit of cooperation and awareness that has yet to be seen in the history of the alcohol trade. We ask you, then, to have the courage to benefit others in non-material ways. Please take this opportunity to help educate the American people. Please stop manufacturing and selling malt liquor in the name of an esteemed spiritual leader of this continent.
Sincerely, the following concerned people, who have all asked to have their names included on this letter (Please note that, for everyone listed below, professional and other affiliations are included only to provide information about those individuals. That information is for identification purposes only, and does not imply any support from the organizations mentioned.): Signees |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|02:52 pm] |

Stipe Surac CROATIA </font> uYoung,Tuna fish cutterv ƒtƒHƒg | |
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[Apr. 7th, 2005|09:26 am] |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|09:20 am] |
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i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life fucking coke |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|04:16 pm] |
the story of ted: the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
ted peered cautiously out the door, yes it was indeed the pizza man, with a pizza pie, a delicious pizza that ted could smell. he opened the door even more cautiously, and remvoed all of his clothes. I"M NAKED FOR NO REASON screamed ted as he flapped his penis around. then, he grabbed the pizza, and went down to his kitchen table to eat it.
The first slice was delicious. it taested like heaven puppies and candy.
the rest of the pizza fell to the floor
ted started crying, crying crying he ran outside naked and started running around his house in circles. it was as if he was saying:
Look, society, and despair at the waste you have wrought: We are willfully burning down all our glorious potential. Shame on you.
THE END> |
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[Mar. 31st, 2005|04:39 pm] |
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the story of ted: the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
ted was depressed. severly depressed. he wasn't sure where this feeling had come from, he was just waiting for his pizza, maybe it was that his mother had commited suicide earlier in the day. no, no that wasn't it. she had put a pizza in the oven along with her head. It must be his pizza-need was so intense that without pizza he was withdrawing
delicious melty cheese
sweet but tart sauce
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK said the door
"ring the buzzer!" said ted
DING DONG A DING DONG the buzzer rang, singing the song from the domino's pizza ad ted loved so much.
PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA's HERE PIZZA'S HERE PIZZA'S HERE
TED screamed over and over again as he fucked himself in the ass with his own penis. He loved pizza. that boy loved pizza.
Ted Opened the door
and accepted his destiny
to be concluded.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|12:51 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | cerialissssisation seucks | ] |
the story of ted: the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
pizza, pizza like a thousand thoughts of a tumultous tumor ran through ted's head. pizza sounds like penis, thought ted, maybe i should put my wee wee in the pziza. i bet it'd feel warm and gooey. Ted determined. yes. yes. he was going to put his wee wee in the pizza pizza pizza
pizza
pizzza. pizza. pizza. pie. pizza. pizza. pizza
the peperoni's he would use as a sheath and lay them decoracrtively around his own teeny bitty peperoni.
pizza fucking sexx sounded hot.
ted was excited. pizza
ppppiizzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
.. it woould be there soon
and there it was
at the door
ding fucking don.
tob e continued |
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[Mar. 24th, 2005|11:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pizza | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pizza | ] |
the story of ted: the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
Ted slammed the phone down hard on the table and began shouting at a volume so loud as to envoke feelings of loud in people who were listening.
"LISTEN PIZZA SLAVE! I WANT PEPERONI AND MUSHROOM! DO YOU GOT THAT? OR DO I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE AND SLICE YOUR TESTCILES OFF AND PUT THEM ON A PIZZA MYSELF!?"
The pizza guy began sobbing uncontrollably on the other end of the phone. Ted gave the man his address and as he hung up he thought about this for a moment and wondered if testicle pizza would be delicious. He concluded that it would, but only with a light sauce.
Ted sat down infront of the tv, and turned on the pizza channel. They were re-airing their special on the history of the pickle pizza and it's humble origins back in 1984 when garden peppers were at a premium. Ted put his hand deep in his pants and waited. waited. waited for his pizza. which he would soon eat in only Thirty minutes or less.
To be continued.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|10:06 am] |
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the story of ted: the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
Out Hero ted was more than a little worried that he may never get to eat that sweet meaty cheesy saucey pepperoniey delight that some people, not all mind you, but some, call pizza. Ted sat in his pizza pie underoos banging himself in the face with his pizza shaped phone as the operator from Happiness pizzariette continued talking about his messy childhood.
"and then when i was six my step dad raped me," continued the voice.
Ted was loosing his pizza-patience. that was a word ted had come up with a year ago while at Pizza-Hut for reading all harry potters in one night as part of the BookIT program. He had, of course, done it only for pizza. You see the wait staff there had been very inattentive, not bringing their cokes out very fast. Ignoring ted's requests for quarters so he could play the ms. pacman/popeye table, the understocked olives at the salad bar. Ted hated pizza hut. They had tested his pizza-patience to no end.
"It took years of reconstructive therapy and there were still burn marks..."
Ted screamed and started kicking himself in the face. "NO PIZZA IS WORTH THIS" thought ted, but then he immediately changed his mind, every pizza was worth this. Why, ted would even be crucified like that homo jesus if it got him a pizza. "what if i was solicited by an older man?" thought ted. "would i let him put his wee wee winkey in my mouth for some pizza?" yes. ted thought. he probably would. pizza is delcious.
to be continued... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|11:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | continuitive | ] |
the story of ted: the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
Ted felt his mouth go dry and his knees weak. he couldn't think. his mind was a blank. racing with a thousand thoughts a minute all about pizza.
"any body there? Happiness pizzariette... how may i pie you today?" said the voice through the phone.
"yes. yes sorry. " said ted coming to his senses. his pizza senses that is." i will have one large pizza. a. pie."
"Pizza-a-pie? are you making fun of me because i am ittalian?" asked the voice angrily.
"no." said ted "i am verry sorry."
"it's okay i do suppose i am a little sensative about my heritage." said the voice.
"understandably. I will have..."
"you see when i was a boy, all of the kids made fun of me, they called me greasy face and stupid wop and dago dago dago comes and we wanna go home."
"that's too bad. I'm sorry. I'll have pe...."
"then they used to put a bucket on my head and beat me with broom handles."
"pep.."
"This one time i was so badly beaten i had to spend six months in therapy learning how to walk again."
"pepp..."
To be continued...
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2005|12:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | continuing | ] |

THE STORY OF Ted, the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
Ted Pushed the number eight, gently, like a baby deer nuzzling it's neck up to a mommy deer. Ted began to think and rethink what topping he would order. Extra cheese was for wimps, and if he got jallapeno he'd be up all night a-root-a-toot-a-tootin. Ted dialed 2. Two was the exact number of toppings ted had decided on, however the combinations were swimming in his head like those girls he had seen last night on the shark attack during spring break movie.
When ted pushed the number three again he started to sob unconrtoallbly. Three threes. this was too much of a coincidence, even though he had dialed this number hundreds of times befor eTed had never thought so much about his dead father. The way he looked in that coffin, still, lifeless, like a lump of clay more than his father.
"pizza" thought ted. "i must focus. that is in the past. pizza is the present."
Ted pushed the number four. His head was blank. Then, ted pushed the number zero. 0. it looks like an open mouth, or... a pizza. a pizza.
a
p
i
z
z
a
The voice on other end of the phone said in a static but clown-like voice "Pizza pizza pizza time! happines pizzariette... how may i pie you today?"
To be continued... |
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| THE STORY OF Ted, the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza PArt II |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|10:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | If Cintra can Seralize so canI | ] |

THE STORY OF Ted, the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
Ted pushed the number one button, as where he lived you needed to dial a one and an area code to get any number. Ted then pushed the number two. He could allready taste that sweet melty cheese slupring down his throat. Ted pushed the number three tentitively, dreaming of the moment he got to speak his order to the man on the other line.
"happines pizzariette" he would say "how may i pie you today?"
That always made ted laugh. he pushed the number four he could smell pepperoni. Ted pushed the number seven, suddenly he realized he was not very hungry, but decided to forge onward. ths was a journey a goal. and ted would perservere. He pushed the number nine, his heart begain to palpitate. Ted pushed the number ten, then quickly realized there was no ten on the phone, so he pushed the number three, again instead. Three was his favorite number ted remembered as a very young childd how he and his dad had gone fishing and brought home three lake trout. That was before his dad died of cancer, and now the number three always reminded ted of that day. that lake. those fish. that dad.
"pizza" thought ted "oh boy!"
to be continued |
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| THE STORY OF Ted, the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza |
[Mar. 17th, 2005|11:47 am] |

THE STORY OF Ted, the boy who had an unhealthy obsession with pizza
What was it about pizza? Ted couldn’t explain it. There was something about pizza. Everynight ted would lay in bed, snuggled into his pizza sheets dreaming of fields of anchovies. Pepperonis as far as the eyes could see. Mushrooms grew as big as your head!!!! Ted looked at the pizza shaped clock on his wall, it was half past green-pepper. That's how he knew, it was time for some more pizza.
"OH BOY PIZZA TIME" screamed ted joyishly as he ran down the stairs. He threw open the fridge only to find that the pizza had all been eaten, and his dog was dead, and stuffed in the refrigerator for some reason. "darn." said ted. "out of pizza." he closed the fridge door.
where oh where can a boy go to get pizza at black olive in the morning!?!? thought ted as he stuck his hand in a jar of mayonaise.
then it occured to him, the happiness pizzarieriette delivered 24 hours a day. He picked up the pizza shaped phone and cautiously dialed the number...
TO BE CONTINUED... |
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